Aight kids gather round and lemme tell you the tale of how I got like eight free ass shimmery gumballs so dad and I were at this store right, it was Sam’s Club which is owned by the guy who owns Walmart except it sells shit in bulk. we were there for toilet paper and dog food. anyway earlier some dumbass brilliant kid tore into this thing of gumballs and they spilled in this display box and some were still in the package so I’m like “they can’t sell these cuz they’re opened and they’ll just be thrown away” so I figured, “why let some good ass shimmery fuckin gumballs go to waste?” and I grabbed a handful. just blue and purple ones cuz those colors are the best
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Aight kids gather round and lemme tell you the tale of how I got like eight free ass shimmery gumballs

so dad and I were at this store right, it was Sam’s Club which is owned by the guy who owns Walmart except it sells shit in bulk. we were there for toilet paper and dog food.

anyway earlier some dumbass brilliant kid tore into this thing of gumballs and they spilled in this display box and some were still in the package

so I’m like “they can’t sell these cuz they’re opened and they’ll just be thrown away”

so I figured, “why let some good ass shimmery fuckin gumballs go to waste?” and I grabbed a handful.

just blue and purple ones cuz those colors are the best

An actual story that my mom reads to her speech students that I will be critically analyzing:

Paint That Nose

A fat dog met a little dog. The fat dog had a red nose. The little dog had a red nose.

The fat dog said, “I have a red nose.”

The little dog said, “I wish I did not have a red nose.”

The fat dog got a can of paint. He said, “Paint that nose.”

So the little dog did paint her nose. She said, “Now this nose is not red.” She kissed the fat dog on the ear. Now the fat dog has paint on his ear.

The End

What we’re really reading here is a subtle attempt at conveying the patriarchy and male privilege in a way young students can understand. The dogs’ interaction represents how people interact with each other in a sexist society.

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Future conversation with my lover:

Him: Hey Marc uhhh what’s that under all that hair
Me: It’s a tat
Him: Ohh what of I can’t see it through your pubes
Me: it’s the most basic fundamental part of my core identity; this image represents my entire being and everything about me in the very simplest manner possible. it is this:

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